a blodg

i have important news. mushrooms, they are really just slugs in disguise. when a sneaky slug sees someone coming, it tries to hide by pretending to be a mushroom, as this is usually a reliable way of escaping danger. but! sometimes people pick the so-called “mushroom”. they take it home and chop it into bits and cook it and eat it. this was not what the slug intended. and that is why mushrooms look like slugs and taste bad. so now you know.

have decided to give up phd and become a thug

sometimes people eat humus. sometimes people say i should eat humus. but i won’t! it is made of dead leaves and compost, you learn about it when you learn soil in school. they never believe me though. probably been brainwashed.

besides that, it is a suspicious colour.

it is a well known fact that eating a lot of oranges makes you turn orange. it is a little known fact that other fruits also share this remarkable property. try eating a few strawberries for the appearance of a healthy glow, or overripe bananas for an eco-friendly alternative to an artificial tan! green grapes or apples will make you look like an alien, perfect for a fancy dress party. blueberries will give an alternative look, excellent for drawing attention to yourself, while lemons will enable you to take sick leave under the guise of suffering from jaundice.

me and a friend collaborator but not in the soviet sense made a highly regarded academic paper.

here it is:

paper

sneeble is a verb, meaning to roll away quietly from somewhere or something. it comes from the finnish word snibl, which originally referred to one who was leaving inconspicuously with the last cake. it was brought to england on the 12th of march, AD 419 by the vikings, who alas left very conspicuously with a lot of cake. the word enjoyed a brief resurgence in popularity in the 13th century, when it became fashionable for those in the know to spell such words with as many eeeees as possible. (the temporary boom in the tweed industry – or rather, the ‘tweeeeeeeed industry’ – of the time was another direct result of this trend.) the highest ever recorded eeeee count for any conjugation of sneeble was 146, when an enthusiastic biologist saw a mouse (or possibly small rat) in his kitchen with a curious mode of transportation, and made a note of his observations in his journal.